This Heavy Craft

The wax has melted
but the dream of flight
persists.
I, Icarus, though grounded
in my flesh
have one bright section in me
where a bird
night after starry night
while I'm asleep
unfolds its phantom wings
and practices.

The contract for SHADOWS CAST BY STARS has arrived! Yay! I haven't had a chance to look through it yet because I've been doing happy dances!

Did I mention yay? Yes, yay!

Wow. I read a lot in January - go me! The list:

1. Tam Lin - Pamela Dean
2. Catwings - Ursula le Guin
3. Hawksong - Amelia Atwater Rhodes
4. The Truth-teller's Tale - Sharon Shin
5. On the Jellicoe Road - Melina Marchetta
6. Why I Wake Early - Mary Oliver
7. Return to Bone Tree Hill - Kristin Butcher
8. Dressage Masters: Techniques and Philosophies - David Collins
9. A Breath of Snow and Ashes - Diana Gabaldon
10. The Wolves of Willoughby Chase - Joan Aiken
11. An Echo in the Bone

Not too shabby, especially considering one of the Gabaldon novels was a thousand pages and the other about eight hundred.

The best of the bunch, and a story that will stay with me for a good long time, is On the Jellicoe Road. And, I have to say, Mary Oliver is always good for the soul.

Though I've dabbled with yoga for the past ten years or so, it's only been since I moved to Campbell River that I've found a focused yoga practice (it helps that I found a fantastic teacher too!).

Whenever I read about yoga, I'm always struck by the inherent wisdom in what the author has to say, and doubly struck that I haven't moved to that place yet, where yoga becomes less about the poses and more about being whole and within one's self and all that good stuff. I hoped that transition would come, but I was beginning to doubt. I felt like I was on the outside looking in on this fantastic deeper yogic world, which, I discovered, is how I feel about a lot of things I do - that I'm on the outside of a whole vibrant world, wondering when, and if, I get to play with the big kids, the wise kids, the cool kids, in that really great place (all of which is pretty dumb, but that's the nature of insecurities, I guess - they're irrational and stupid. Which is why I'm done with them!).

Anyhow.

Last week, I discovered something. I've been beating myself up about not working hard enough for, oh, since ever, and of course, since that is SUCH an effective tactic, I'd work myself into a stew: the more I berated myself, the less I could actually do whatever it was I was berating myself for. See? Effective. Anyhow, last week...I was in yoga class and our teacher instructed us to go into tree pose (vrksasana), which is my FAVORITE pose. I could stand in tree pose all day long! Anyhow, tree pose is a pose about balance and strength, and as I was standing there, in all my tree-ish glory, our teacher reminded us that tree pose is about concentration, and in that moment, I realized that, in actual fact, I can concentrate. I can focus. I was in tree pose, standing tall like the tallest tree, moving with the currents around me, but not toppling because my roots ran deep. All I needed to do was bring tree pose into other aspects of my life.

And for that little epiphany, I am very grateful.

I'm a great believer in fallow time. We creative types need it, and if we try to go too long without letting our fields have a rest, well, anything that grows tends to be thin and feeble and weak. I think that's the stage I was at just after Christmas - brittle, hollow, worn to the nub. So, I gave myself a gift: fallow time.

Fallow time for me has been about getting lots of exercising, re-dedicating myself to my yoga practice (isn't it funny how you can know something's good for you and know that you need to do it, but at the same time, find a bazillion ways to talk yourself out of doing that good thing?), and reading. And watching movies. And thinking. (And nursing myself back to health - I lost my voice, which is something that has never happened before!)

It's also been about being kind to myself and not doing anything that leaves me feeling bad, which, as it turns out, is easier said than done. I've been amazed at how many things I do out of obligation, rather than because they bring me any sense of pleasure. I mean, I know everything can't be happy-happy-joy-joy all the time, but shouldn't it be *some* of the time?

Anyhow.

Today finds me feeling at peace with a lot of things - even the major snarl in my life that doesn't seem to be going away anytime soon. But, after giving myself a little break to rest and heal up, I feel....buoyed, I guess.

I was very sad to hear about the passing about Blue Hors Matinee and P.K. Page, though. It always gives me pause when I hear news like this. I wish I could have met them both.

Hope everyone out there is happy and well...

This is a shout out to my physiotherapist, Jen, and her clinic colleague, Klari. Today, I had a session with Jen, and for the first time in all the years I've been receiving physiotherapy for this mysterious, weird thing I have, Jen looked at me and said, I'm not happy just treating this. I want to know why.

You see, I have this weird pain thing. I've always had it - it was worse when I was spending a lot of time at the piano, but not always. Sometimes, my body just aches. Sometimes, a bone will pop out of position and I'll find I can no longer breathe, or move my neck, or move my leg. So, I would go to physio, the physio would sort me out, and on I'd go. Over the years, I've had a lot of diagnoses tossed at me, but none of them have stuck, which is okay - I don't think it's an illness, or, at least not in the conventional sense.

Anyhow, on Tuesday, I woke up with a rib out, which meant I felt as if I had been stabbed in the chest and the back, and every single breath HURT. Fortunately, I also had my monthly tune-up appointment scheduled that day, and after Jen scratched her head a while (What did you do, she asked. I just shrugged. I woke up. That's all.) she did some work on me and sent me home. I had a follow-up today, and Jen decided she just wasn't happy with how things were going, so she called over her clinic partner, Klari. They put their brains together and got me to do all sorts of weird stuff and looked me me, and scratched their heads, and then got me to do more things, and scratched their heads, and we talked, and...

I think we might have something to go on. We aren't sure yet, but we think, and hope, that maybe, we might get me to the place where I don't have to go to physio anymore. We think that the abdominal surgeries I've had had caused some strange imbalances in my fascia, and that's set off a system-wide change reaction, which would make sense, because the first abdominal surgery I had was when I was seven! My body's core support has been cut three times, so, of course!

Anyhow.

I can't even explain how thrilled I am by this. Granted, I've got a ways to go before I expect any major results, but to think that maybe I don't have to live with this stupid pain thing anymore? I can't express how excited and grateful I am.

So, Jen and Klari, if you read this...thank you so much for your team effort!

Now, I'm off to soak my poor post-physio body in a hot bath full of espom salts...

(And, as a little aside, sounds like Jen, Klari, and I are going to discuss a workshop on posture and good body use for musicians...which would be a lot of fun!)

For the last few months, I've been collecting quotes and bits of advice and posting them on my bulletin board where I can see them, hoping that, just maybe, some of the wisdom in the quotes will filter down into my poor brain. The jury's still out on the effectiveness of this tactic, but in the meantime, I thought I'd post some of these bits of sage advice here in case they're of use to anyone else.

I don't have an attribution for this particular bit o' sage, so if anyone knows of the author, I would be grateful so I can give credit where credit is due.

Anyhoo, the quote:

Story is very important; it's the events themselves that contain the wisdom - not what we say about them.

And with that, I'm off to stop second-guessing every word I write...

So, I'm back! Christmas, for the most part, was lovely and fun (I had the best time with my sister, brother-in-law, and niece), but now I'm left with a delightful head cold and post-celebratory fatigue. Ah well, at least it was well earned.

Anyhow - one of my 2009 resolutions was to complete the 50bookchallenge. I didn't participate in the LJ community, but did keep track of what I read, mostly, for I'm a bit of a magpie reader when it comes to non-fiction and there were quite a few books I started but didn't finish for a variety of reasons.

My list is posted below the cut for anyone who might be interested, and I have plans to post about some of the books I found interesting, including one that I didn't like but have spent a lot of time thinking about - hopefully that intention will bring a bit more focus to my blogging, which I realize is scattered at best.

Anyhow...on to the list! ( Read more... )

A very merry Christmas to all those who celebrate! All my gifts are wrapped, the house is stocked with food, and after I finish this post, I'm going off-line until after New Years.

I hope everyone has a happy, peaceful holiday and see you all in 2010!

So, Edward Gal and Totilas broke the Freestyle score record again at Olympia. I just finished watching the video (which you can see here) and...

Hmm.

Is it me, or does Totilas not look as engaged in the hind as he has been in other tests? And maybe he looks a little tired? I mean, this is still some pretty fabulous stuff, but...

And, does anyone know if Edward Gal uses Rollkur? I know he trained with Anky, so I'm guessing he does, but I haven't seen any mention of it in any of the interviews I've read. Just curious...