I have questions...

The DH and I are heading out to the North Island this morning for several days of hiking, beachcombing, and staring at campfires. No phones, no computers, no electricity, no running water - but plenty of bliss.

Photo essay will be posted upon my return....

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Item 1: We had a fantastically wicked thunderstorm last night - wooo! Thunder and lightning isn't common for my part of the world, and so to sit up and watch the forked lightning streak across the sky (usually we only get sheet lightning) - awesome!

Item 2: Part of my radio silence has been due to heavy-duty, running-deep work on SUN, work where I'm learning more about my process and what I need to do in order to do justice the story I wish to write. It's funny, there's a pattern there that I didn't see, if only because I've needed a couple of novels to look back on. Sort of like walking a labyrinth, I think - the pattern is only discernible when one looks back. Or, maybe it's only discernible when one morphs into a crow and looks at the labyrinth from above. Either way, I think I see the pattern now, and will hopefully be able to identify its twists and turns in the future - or, at least, hold on to that length of string and find my way back through.

At any rate, this story has gone in some directions that I would never have thought possible, directions that couldn't have happened if I didn't have some very helpful people asking me some very tough questions. So, that is a good thing.

Item 3: Reading - oh, have I been reading lately! Isn't reading one of life's great pleasures? So many wonderful books, and sometimes I find myself saddened by the knowledge that I'll never be able to read them all. I'll only ever get to sample a smattering at best, but lately - what a feast! Stuff by James Hillman and Thomas Moore on the non-fiction side, and A.S. Byatt and Rosemary Sutcliffe on the fiction side of things. And poetry by Mary Oliver. (Oh, and thank you, ryan_howse for recommending "Art of Fiction" - this book has been so helpful and inspiring - yay!)

My world is richer for books.

Item 4: In my continued quest to become a somewhat grounded individual, I have returned to another great love of mine: calligraphy. Over the last while, I've been dabbling in artisty things, and have come up dissatisfied. Well, perhaps dissatisfied isn't the right word. Confused might be, especially in regards to my intentions. I enjoy drawing because I understand pencils and paper. I do not, however, understand paint. I wish to paint those beautiful scenes like those of Samuel Palmer, but I get incredibly frustrated when I set out to paint with watercolour because my own technique (if, in fact, that is what it could be called) is so incredibly random. I set out for something Samuel Palmer-esque, and instead get carried away with letting the paints do what they want, which means I'm not really painting, but observing, more or less. The paint does the work. I just slap it on.

That's a long way of saying that there's something so satisfying about pen and ink, about carving letters into a piece of paper. And, I understand ink. I also like it when my hands get covered in ink (the curse of being a lefty), provided I don't wipe it on my face, which has been known to happen. From time to time.

Anyhow, I have some plans for these calligrapic adventures, plans that I shall keep close to my chest for the time being, though I did try to scan some letters, but my scanner is possessed and is convinced that I do not, in fact, want to scan full pages. What I really want to do is scan 4x6 photographs - or so it believes. Honestly, there are days when I'm convinced all my electronic devices are sentient beings who are conspiring against me. And with each other. And with watercolour paint.

I hope everyone out there is happy and well and enjoying summer!

Other than cropping, this photo hasn't been retouched:

For the last few weeks, I've been in this place where I feel twitchy and restless, as if I can feel something rushing towards me and I don't know whether to duck-and-cover or to stand up straight and tall and let that rushing whatever pass through me.

I've had this feeling before, and it's always indicated that big changes were on the horizon. But this time, it feels different - like, what if, maybe, these changes are of the excellent variety? Wouldn't that be something?

Yes, indeed!

But until these changes arrive (I'm imagining them carried by some winged steed - what better way to travel?), I'm left all twitchy and jitter-buggy...

So, we'll see. In between twitches, I'm staring out the window, looking for that winged steed...

So, the DH invited me to a breakfast with some colleagues this morning. When we arrived at the place where breakfast was being held, this is what we saw in the parking lot:



These were only a few of the old cars there. Apparently their group was doing an Alaska to BC and back tour. Now, I drove that route last year in a very modern car and it was tough going - imagine it in old vehicles like these, without roofs and such!

I have to admit I have a rather harsh case of car-envy though...

1. I drank tea this morning. And it stayed put. This is a momentous happening! (No, I'm not pregnant...just some tummy issues)

2. It's a good thing I wear a mouthguard when I sleep. I don't know what's going on in my dream-life, but last night I was gnashing my teeth so much that I woke myself up. Also, I had a dream that I broke my parents' dog's leg. The sound is still in my head. Please, collective LJ mind, if anyone knows what this might mean, I'd be grateful to know.

3. Homemade crackers are divine, easy, and cheap. I'm never buying crackers again - talk about price gouging!

Recipe is here.

4. I love my agent. Truly, I do. I am a very lucky writer.

5. And lastly but not leastly, desks of some writerly folk.

So what does your desk look like?

A baby beluga was born at the Vancouver Aquarium on Sunday...and, guess what? The Vancouver Aquarium has a beluga-cam!

http://www.vanaqua.org/belugacam/

Today in my garden:

Two of my stories have gone live. Should you wish to read them, here are the links:

"Fourteen Pieces" at Dante's Heart

"Princess of the Stars" at Expanded Horizons

(And if you're a writer, consider submitting to these markets...)

This is a momentary break in my self-imposed radio silence (because I have been struck down with the blurg, as well as needing some time to think about some think-worthy things) to say:

Expanded Horizons has purchased "Princess of the Stars", a story that ties in with THE SHADOWS CAST BY STARS. I am very happy this tale has found a home - hooray!

Radio silence recommencing in 3...2...1...

So, here we are at RaceFail 2 (thank you to skadi for bringing this to my attention).

Patricia Wrede has published a book that has been described as "Little House on the Prairie with mammoths". Sounds interesting, yes?

Except for the fact that she conveniently erased the existence of First Nations people from this continent.

I've spent a bit of time perusing the various discussions and there is much good being said. Should you wish to read, here is one of the discussions I've found fruitful. And the following is what I wrote in reply:

I'm a person of mixed raced, but I grew up completely unaware of this fact as it was shameful for people of my grandparents' generation to admit they were First Nations. I only discovered I was Métis through chance.

So, to discover that First Nations peoples have been erased, yet again, is shocking. In Canada, there has been much talk recently about how aboriginal peoples should "just get over it", but then something like this happens and demonstrates just how far that "just get over it" sentiment runs. I'm amazed at how people can be prosecuted for even suggesting the Holocaust didn't happen (and rightly so, I might add), and yet, a whole host of people thought it was okay to publish this book. Ms. Wrede wasn't working in isolation, and that really scares me.

I am, however, very glad that people like you are talking about this and saying "Hey, this is so wrong!". Thank you for that.

(Note: I realize, after reading this, that perhaps a better choice of words would have been "a whole host of people never thought to question that aspect of the book." What book might have come out of those questions? I wonder...)

And, so, I'm also going to link to something I wrote, because I believe that any author should be able to write about whatever they choose, even if it means obliterating a race. (I'm highlighting this because I have been erroneously called to task on what someone felt was my support of censorship, which is not the truth, considering what I have written here) It's horrific and shocking, in my opinion, but that is an author's right. What I find more disturbing is how others have attempted to justify this author's choice and how those arguments are couched in a disturbingly ignorant set of assumptions.

More thoughts about what it means to be a person of mixed race who has had her history stolen from her can be found here.

What I do suggest is: please, think before you steal someone's history. And think extra hard before you erase it. Think about how you would feel if your own family had been subjected to the sort of torment that First Nations people have undergone and should you still choose to write this sort of story, please consider why you must do so.

I believe racism must be examined, for it's a part of our collective history. So, examine it. Mine it. Look at how ugly humanity can be, and look at how beautiful it can be. Question your choices, and never forget that words have power.

Ah, Chet...

This year's birthday was promising to be very unhappy due to some family stuff going on. However!

The DH whisked me away in the nick of time to Victoria, and treated me not only to an amazing dinner but to a trip to the Royal Victoria Museum which was hosting an exhibit from the British Museum (I have no words to describe the awe I felt when gazing on the bust of Marcus Aurelius, or exquisite Islamic manuscripts, or Egyptian mummies, or, or, or...I have always been very sad that I've studied all these things, and yet have never seen the originals). This was followed by the Imax film "Journey to Mecca", which is about Ibn Battuta, and it just so happens I have his chronicles sitting on my bookshelf.

It was a most excellent birthday.

As well, thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes. I was quite delighted to sit down at the computer last night and find them all!

So. I have been a very busy bee the last couple of weeks, taking reams and reams of notes on all manner of subjects - philosophy, music, spirituality, psychology, not knowing what I was looking for (though I had a vague idea)but hoping I'd find the pieces of the puzzle I needed to put In the Face of the Sun back together again. A few days ago, I rewrote the first chapter based on a discussion I had with Ms. Agent, and then I decided to let it sit. It felt right at the time, but hindsight....well, does its hindsighty thing.

It's taken me a fair amount of courage to take a look at that chapter, but I did just now.

I think I've unearthed the real story. I think. But, there's this strange, indescribable feeling I get when I'm telling the right story - I had it with SHADOWS and HAMMERED, so though I can't describe it, I *know* it.

And I found it when I read the opening chapter of SUN.

I'm amazed, sometimes, at how writing a novel is like giving birth (not that I know about giving birth, but...it's the simile that fits). Some people give birth easily. Some people are in labour for hours and hours and hours. That last one is me, figuratively speaking. My novels don't come into the world easily. They demand me to experience tremendous labour pains. And, though there are times when I'd like a writerly epidural, when the novel arrives all bloody and wet and born, I stare at it and think: There you are. You were worth every bit of agony.

No doubt, some of this sense of awe will evaporate when the novel reaches its Terrible Two stage. But I can think about that later. Right now, I've got work to do.

This is mostly for Canadians writers who have books with US publishers, but I figured I'd post it here in case it's of help to anyone else.

One of the first things Diana (my agent) had me do after we sold SHADOWS was apply for a US tax ID number, also known as a ITIN. About a week ago, I received a notice that I had been turned down because I had failed to provide the tax treaty number they needed, so off I went to get another set of true certified documents and then off they went back to the IRS.

However, something was tickling my brain last night, so this morning I decided to call the IRS to ask a couple of questions. I was put through to a very helpful US tax lawyer who basically told me I had done it all wrong (I had run the original form by a Canadian accountant, who stared at it blankly and said it looked okay to him).

Here's the scoop: Canadians must get certified true copies of their identification from US notaries. A certified true copy from a Canadian notary will automatically result in a rejected W-7 because Canada was not at the Hague convention. Whodathunk?

I know a couple of writers who have recently signed with US agents and are subbing to US publishers, so I figured I'd post this information to save them having to wait longer than necessary in getting this important little number!

And, if you have questions, the gentleman I spoke to at the IRS was tremendously helpful, so giving them a call is definitely a good idea.

I'm posting this tonight as I will be leaving the house very early tomorrow to drive to Victoria to see the allergist. I hope, I hope I get good news - like, news that says I can have a glass of organic wine once in a while!

In the meantime, here are the Wailin' Jennys singing "The Parting Glass":

A couple of days ago, the DH asked what I'd like for my birthday. Easy: a new pair of paddock boots. Mine are old and worn out, and though there's a little life left in them yet, I've been coveting a pair of Ariats for a while.

However...

I just blew my paddock boot budget on research material. Oops. It was a hard decision, but our local library just doesn't have the material I need for the type of research I want to do (I openly admit I'm a research snob), and after working through some of the issues I'm having with SUN, I knew that I had to have a deeper understanding of some of the currents I'm working with to really do justice to the story.

So, winging their way towards me are some lovely new expensive texts.

And no paddock boots. *sniff*

Oh, and also? I think I just figured out the element in SUN that was missing - except, in doing so, I might have just placed an impossible task in front of myself. Well, if one isn't pushing boundaries, what is one doing? I dunno. But I have to admit I'm feeling daunted - guess it's time to see what my writerly self is made of.

I now have a Dreamwidth account - http://catknutsson.dreamwidth.org/

I haven't done much with it yet, but if you want to add me, please do!

Oh yes, this also means I have some invites, so if you're needing one, holler! (ETA: Oops, it seems I haven't got any right yet, but I will soon!)

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

This book about eating disorders is beautifully written, painful, and riveting. By the end of reading it, I was terribly upset and really, really angry. I'm not sure I'll have the courage to write about why I was so angry, but that doesn't mean it's not worth a read. It really is - but it also holds nothing back and requires a fair amount of courage from the reader, I think.

Jaran by Kate Elliott

I've discovered that in some ways, I'm sorrily under-read in the fiction department. Not my fault, really - after all, twenty years of my life were devoted to Mozart, Schubert, Monteverdi, Fauré, and Schumann, and I consider that my eduction in poetry. But, I've got some catching up to do. Fortunately, I have many helpful friends who are more than willing to point me towards great fiction. This book was recommended to me by Ms. Agent, and though I had a bit of trouble getting into it, I'm soooo glad I stuck with it. Great world building, great story telling, and memorable characters. Also, horses!

Stargazer by Claudia Gray

I openly admit that vampires aren't my thing, but I really enjoyed the first novel in this series and I enjoyed this one even more. A couple of the scenes had me fanning myself a little (oo la la! Steamy!) and my only complaint is that the novel was too short. I'm pouting that I have to wait for the sequel.

The Way He Lived by Emily Wing Smith

Hmm. sharigreen passed this one on to me. The book has an interesting structure - six stories told from six different points of view, all sharing the common element of a boy the characters knew who died prior to the opening of the story. While I thought the concept was really interesting, I'm not sure it all came together. Some of the stories lacked a strong sense of voice and at the end, I was left feeling, "And....so?" However, the story has left me mulling structure and voice, so maybe it was more successful than I initially thought? Or, maybe not. I'm leaning towards the not option at the moment.

The Garden of Eve by K.L. Going

I have a fascination with stories that have dead people in them. This one has a dead mother, a dead little boy, a cemetery, dead apple trees - all the fixings for a suitably creepy story. I like creepy kids' books, what can I say?

Unfortunately, the creep factor got lost along the way and instead, the story turned a bit fluffy-bunny at the end. That doesn't mean I don't like happy endings, because I do, but I felt the author intruded a little too much, and because of that, the story veered awfully close to that line where a story ceases to be a story and becomes a lecture, which is too bad.

The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan

Now, this one was high on the creep factor and never let up. The ending was freakin' scary, I tell you - zombies! Zombies everywhere! And, what I really liked was that these zombies were horrible - not a bit of kitsch to be seen. While the opening half of the story seemed a little slow at times (that's a really picky criticism though), the latter half was relentless and by the time I got to the end (I couldn't put this one down), I felt as browbeaten and beleaguered as the main character. Plus, I though the author was gutsy in her treatment of the characters (I don't want to say how because I don't want to give away the ending) and the choices she made for them. Plus, did I mention how scared I was? I was! Very scared!

So, onto May. On deck, Ysabel by Guy Gavriel Kay and The Cleft by Doris Lessing and then, maybe something light. Dunno what, but I'm open to suggestions!

Oh my gosh, tonight's lesson was sooooooo hard! But also, soooooo good! I haven't been this physically tired in a while, but I love this feeling, this sense that I have earned every little muscle twinge and stiffness. Tomorrow, I might change my mind, but tonight, I'm just going to relish this feeling of accomplishment.

And also, Willy was a star!

And also also, lessons like this are a reminder that getting better at something doesn't mean it gets easier. It means it gets more intense and more in depth and very often, harder, but that is a very good thing!